having your own website is freeing. having your own space that completely belongs to you and nobody else is incredible.
like. i have an entire website that’s dedicated to me being a weird transspecies centaur. that’s dedicated to the weird shit that i think about and want to write about. with a domain name. my own services. in 1999 that wouldn’t have been a shock to a lot of people, but now it’s like
everything has to be social media. everything has to be judged by terms of engagement. maybe my brain is poisoned by it because i like the idea of my content being engaged with. but there’s no algorithm here (on this site.)
on google there always will be though.
i remember being a kid in the 00s and reading weird personal blogs. i love nathan lineback’s toastytech.com and how pissed he got at internet explorer (for the right reasons that many have conveniently forgotten by now). i loved looking at sites made by individuals. but its like… people have stopped giving a shit except to conform to what the algorithm decides. to conform to whatever stupid bullshit is out there, to conform to whatever the popular opinion is even if it’s marketed as being “non-conformist”.
that’s what all this far right shit is. i remember alex jones and his rise to popularity and his constant warnings against the police state, except now he’s totally on board bringing about that same totalitarian dictatorship. i dunno. i feel like a fucking loon for thinking people are valid for being transspecies or transrace or whatever but like. it’s like full on bigots are okay with saying the type of shit they say. it’s something.
at least twitter is finally proving its irrelevance, but i need to follow better bluesky accounts. i love boomer liberals because they actually seem to care about shit, but the twitter algorithm is perfectly fine tuned for me and bluesky is like boomer/millennial liberal heaven. it feels like hamilton just came out on bluesky.
i dunno.
should i add a comment section? comment below.
trying to think of things to write. i want to write and update this site every day, but i know i'm inevitably going to forget. maybe this should just be like free association subconscious writing or something. i don't even know what i'm talking about.
i want to make The Commitment!
also happy december. i almost forgot to say that. it's like almost christmas and stuff.
can someone take me to the katy perry concert on 9/11 ty
i felt sick earlier tonight, and it felt like my head has been fucked all day. but i think i’m doing better now. i am going to try and get some rest. i’m tired. good night. sleep tight.
i saw this video taken almost 30 years ago when it was a big deal that ellen degeneres came out of the closet on national TV, and this was before everyone hated her because she was annoying.
it was someone who took footage of a watch party they had, and there were so many lgbt people celebrating, just watching it, just being so fucking happy, and i cried
and it's funny because like. you don't think of ellen anymore as anything except the establishment.
clean.
and now things feel like they're going backward.
maybe soon we'll have a society where all this is going to be fucking banned again...
...anyway, i digress.
i'd never seen the episode where she came out, but in 1997 it was a massive, massive deal, because there was absolutely no queer representation anywhere.
and like, it's funny because in the episode she is absolutely terrified to say anything about being a lesbian.
she would always try to mask it and like.
christ i'm writing this about ellen
i feel the exact same way about being a centaur.
(inb4 WOW YOU ARE EQUATING YOUR FAKE BULLSHIT WITH SOMETHING ACTUALLY REAL)
i honestly just want to not look like this at all. i wish i could talk about it. i'm terrified of coming out. i'm fucking terrified.
i wish i could transition
i never thought i would relate to fucking ELLEN DEGENERES. like i've heard her comedy in the 90s was far better than what she became, but damn. what happened?
i just.
:(
i wish i had a big horse body.
i also wish i didn't look anything like my current self right now. i'm too fucking scared to talk about that publicly. i want to, so badly. maybe when the time comes. maybe when i can tell my friends and know that they won't fucking hate my guts for that.
i'd rather not look like this
i wish i weren't so ashamed to say that.
